


All I Want For Christmas ( Is You)

by AdrianHunter



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Christmas, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, M/M, Not talking about feelings, Pining Steve, Pissed Danny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:17:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3308567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianHunter/pseuds/AdrianHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>If Steve gets drunk this Christmas, even though he promised not to- then it’s not really his fault, it just can’t be helped.<em></em></em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want For Christmas ( Is You)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [younglj](https://archiveofourown.org/users/younglj/gifts).



> I wrote this last year, when I watched ONE H50 episode, the original version is much like this one- and I reread it accidentally last night and wondered, "WHY THE FUCKKK ISN't THIS POSTED?"  
> SO two hours ago, after embarking on a novel titled "Jack Holmes and His Friend", I decided, hey what the fuck, let's post it- so I tweaked it a little, then I read a tutorial on gay sex then BOOM. Smut came smut went.  
> I do not know this story now.  
> *gay wizard laughter*  
> Enjoy.

 

::.

Between knowing your father’s murderer is alive, finding your friend and team mate latched to a bomb and losing ten million dollars; Steve almost can’t see straight and it’s all because of the toll it’s taking on him-there’s a lot of stress; stress that he has to let out, anxiety that he has to keep at bay, and some unnamed hidden emotion towards a certain partner of his. It’s exactly what Steve doesn’t want to name, that Steve doesn’t want to make _real_ right now, even though he knows it is very Real _._ He needs to ground himself, he needs to push all those fuzzy- i-don’t-know-what feelings to the surface, and he’ll dive deep.

He needs Danny to ground him.

The process, the ball already spinning when Steve deactivates the bomb on Chin’s neck- the process intensified when he finally gets to see Danny; after all this. And when Steve tells Danny he hasn’t told the governor about the _borrowed_ , now burnt ten million- Steve gets that feeling- when Danny says he’ll probably end up in jail if he doesn’t tell her; that’s Danny’s kind of concern, the kind that he craves for, the kind he maybe sometimes does stupid shit for, just to get to hear Danny’s concern hidden under his cutting ( not really) remarks on how stupid Steve is, how Danny thinks he’s insufferable, how Danny  would rather have stayed with Rachel and dealt with her shit instead of following a suicidal Navy SEAL wherever the wind decided to take him if he had known that this was going to be all that is Steve McGarrett. All Steve hears is, you make me worry, I care about you and I can’t live without you.

“Why is it that you’re always the one to drive my car?” Danny asks – in his Danny way.

“Because I like to drive,” Steve replies and he almost forgets not to look at Danny too fondly.

“You say it’s because you like to drive, I say it’s because you’re a control freak, Steve McGarrett,” Danny replies exasperated and getting into the passenger’s seat. Steve steals a glance in Danny’s direction when they’re both in the car and Steve feels warm- he looks at Danny and smiles; and Danny smirks in reply.

::.

The Christmas party is pretty much over when Grace goes to sleep, and unfortunately (for Danny) Rachel comes and picks up Grace- stoic and unforgiving, Danny doesn’t say anything when she does come and Steve feels incredibly compelled to put a reassuring hand on Danny’s shoulder, to give it a tight squeeze, maybe then run his hand down Danny’s arm and finally join their fingers together-

Steve tries not to fantasize about Danny with Danny right there- and Rachel going with Grace- then Kono and Chin are the only ones left with them because Kamekona left thirty minutes ago, but Kono’s already saying goodbye.

“See you after the holidays, Danny,” Kono nods to Danny, and Danny maybe loosens up a little bit,” Boss, ” she adds when she gives Steve a knowing smile with a glance at Danny. And when Danny isn’t looking, when he’s talking to Chin, she mouths, “Take care of him,” and leaves with Chin. Leaving Steve to wonder if there’s a bit more to the cousinship they share.

In hindsight Steve should probably have known that a six pack of Jameson and a lightweight Danny equals bad idea.

Danny doesn’t kick Steve out after Kono and Chin leave- and Steve thinks this is all horribly Rachel’s fault, she made Danny _hurt_ and she continues to make Danny hurt. Steve would do anything to make all the pain go away- if he could only get a sign, one sign that could tell him that he isn’t going in the wrong direction with all this, that maybe Danny will want him, if Steve makes his intentions clear, if Steve tries just a bit harder, if Steve drops more hints.

Danny and Jameson are not friends.

“I mean, Steve, I know I fucked up, I know I was a bad husband, but that doesn’t mean that-that-that Grace is some bargaining chip for us now, that Grace is the only thing we have in common, I mean she’s got Stan , yes! I don’t even want her back, I just want us to be civil, and be normal humans beings, I want to be okay with her-Rachel and Grace and not have to grimace every time her mother comes to pick her up or drop her off or if by any bizarre chance, we bump into each other,” Danny starts to slur- he’s drank three bottles already, Steve’s drank the same amount, but he’s only feeling slightly buzzed. Steve listens intently to Danny, taking in what he doesn’t already know and reprocessing what he already does.

 _It’s going to be okay_ , he wants to say, _I’m here for you_ , zooms through his mind and _I won’t leave you, let me fix you, let me love you_ on the tip of his tongue.

But he doesn’t say any of these things- he watches Danny who’s slumped on the floor next to him, still in his Santa suit, but without the jacket or hat. Steve unconsciously shifts closer.

“All my life,” Danny starts again, this time with a defeated voice and glazed eyes looking straight ahead, while Steve stares at everything that is Danny, “I have struggled with not being enough, not being good enough,” his voice trembles-clearly weak and on the verge of spilling something more than tears, “… not being there enough, not doing enough and I don’t think-” he almost sobs towards the end of the sentence. Steve looks up, heart heavy and sees Danny’s eyes welling up as he bites his lips and tries to contain…something.

“I love my daughter, okay? And just because I was a bad husband, bad son bad brother and bad whatever the fuck else, doesn’t mean I have to be a bad father, I’m doing everything I can!”

Detective Danny Williams cries and he cries in Steve’s arms. Somehow during the moments before he started to spill his feelings, Steve held him in an embrace and Danny put his head on Steve’s chest, trying to breathe, but his crying getting in the way. Steve moves his hand on Danny’s back in lazy circles, holding him tight enough, feeling his warmth, his solid body- willing his own to not take advantage of the situation, nose in Danny’s hair, inhaling his scent- Lavender, Lemon, and Steve can also smell Danny’s breath when he breathes his way – his breath heavy with alcohol and a slight hint of the day’s coffee- the one Steve bought for him.

Steve should have known that this was going to be a bad idea- that this close contact, their intoxicated bodies, a crying Danny and a Steve who can’t really control himself was not going to bode well.

It’s when Steve’s on the verge of saying things he probably shouldn’t say when Danny mutters something to his chest, making the hot air from Danny’s mouth seep through Steve’s shirt and onto his skin- Steve has to look away, biting his lower lip as he exhales shakily. He lets himself run a hair through Danny’s hair though, because he thinks he deserves that at least.

“What did you say Danny?” He asks absently, trying to control his emotions- finding it funny that when the person he needs the most needs him, he’s almost close to tatters himself. He’s not strong enough.

He tries to shift away from Danny, temporarily taking his hands away, but Danny just stubbornly puts them back as he wiggles into straddling Steve-everything in Steve’s mind is screaming, Oh fuck no, but he helplessly keeps his hesitant hands where Danny put them and doesn’t move for fear of waking up something in him that he won’t be able to stop.

And that’s when Danny says as he pulls at Steve’s neck so he can look into the puffy blue eyes of Danny’s, “Just fucking hold me, McGarrett,” it sends a wave of arousal and terror through Steve as he wonders just how sober Danny might be, “I just need you to hold me”, he mumbles as he plants his head in Steve’s chest again, letting go of his neck and allowing Steve to lean his head on the couch- feeling like he dodged a bullet.

He tries to not go further than half hard, but in between his hold on Danny’s waist-the hold that slowly, but surely goes almost to Danny’s ass- Danny’s breathing on Steve’s chest, uneven and signifying that he hasn’t fallen asleep, and Danny’s wiggling ever so often is making that almost impossible. He begs all his patriotic stars that Danny won’t notice, won’t pull away in disgust, won’t punch Steve, and won’t decide to no longer be his _friend-_

He tries to will the shame away at taking advantage of Danny when he’s like this, when he feels Danny shift against him again- this time Danny pushes Steve away, albeit not roughly, and Steve’s confused, not understanding what’s happening here- if Danny’s noticed- and he feels a heavy, ugly weight in his chest as he tries to get up and move away from Danny, trying to hide his shame by not looking at him at all.

But Danny doesn’t let him go, he grabs both of Steve’s wrists and interlaces their fingers before he presses a brief kiss to Steve’s lips- it’s a press of lips and nothing more, but Steve’s never felt so heart smashed.

Heart smashed because Danny’s drunk and lonely and Steve is the only person he has for this right now, making him realize that this is probably a mistake, that Danny probably sees someone else, thinks this is someone else and wishes this was someone else.

His train of thought is interrupted yet again when Danny puts his lips to Steve’s for a second time. Steve has been pining, still is pining, Steve has been hurting, and is hurting more than ever, but if this is what Danny wants right now, Steve will give it to him and he will give it to him willing, without asking for anything in return.

Steve runs a tentative tongues on Danny’s lower lip which is all that takes for Danny to open his mouth and devour Steve, they kiss like it’s the last thing they’ll do- Steve grabs Danny’s ass and Danny grinds against him, making Steve moan into their kiss, Danny intensifies this when he pulls at Steve’s hair ,pulling him in to make the kiss deeper, more desperate, more needy, and for Steve , he kisses Danny like he’ll never kiss Danny again, putting his hand to Danny’s chin and caressing his face with both of his hand in earnest as Danny grinds down on his painfully hard erection- Steve gives Danny everything he wants, accepts everything he offers and thrusts into Danny, meeting Danny’s hard erection each time- it’s when Steve sneaks his hands into Danny’s ridiculous Santa pants , putting them in Danny’s ass and moving in the crease of his ass, spreading it and finally finding the entrance and pushing into in lightly with one finger- showing and telling Danny his intention and what he wants to do, but it’s too dry and he can tell Danny hasn’t done this in a while( if ever), so he adjusts them so that Danny’s on his fours and is breathing a bit loudly-

Steve pulls Danny’s pants down and sneaks one hand around Danny’s erection, whilst his other hand strokes his own hardness, he tries pulling slowly and gently, but that doesn’t seem to be what Danny wants so he goes a bit rougher, a bit faster and pulls on a bit tighter.

Steve doesn’t have any lube so he uses Danny’s pre-come, which is plenty enough at the moment and spreads it around two fingers.

“Danny, is this okay?”

“Just do it, McGarrett”, Danny snaps drunkenly.

“But , you’re- ”

“You’re not taking advantage of me Steve,”

Steve pushes one finger in and tries to make it as painless as possible-which is probably impossible, but he tries anyway. And when he thinks another can go in, he pushes in a second and pushes the finger in deep, and Steve knows it hits Danny’s prostate because he gasps suddenly. Then Steve can’t really hold it so he pushes in four fingers and he knows it’s a bit of a stretch, but Steve’s hardness is much bigger than four fingers and he doesn’t want to hurt Danny. So it pumps those fingers in Danny and Steve knows it probably hurts, but after fifteen solid seconds of fingering him, he decides it’s enough and Danny thinks that too , it shows in the way he puts a hand behind himself and tries to find Steve’s hardness and lines it up to his entrance that is much looser right now.

“Steve, please, just-

“Make love to you,” Steve finishes as he pushes in slowly and Danny winces- he can feel it, but he waits three moments –he waits till Danny’s calmed down, relaxed around Steve and when his breathing has slowed down, that’s when Steve thrusts into Danny- he tries not to thrust so hard or painfully, but he thrusts deep.

This isn’t how Steve envisioned their first time, or any time of theirs at all, but it was happening and it was happening fast. If was going to be the one and only time , Steve would make sure they both enjoyed it- he wanted Danny to feel it the next morning , to remember him, to know that he was Steve’s-

Steve curls a hand around Danny’s erection as he hits Danny’s prostate and Danny gasps and gasps and gasps. Steve can already feel himself coming-but he holds it until he hears Danny inhale loudly and come- that’s when Steve pulls out and comes all over Danny’s bare ass.

Danny is feeling loose limed, Steve is sure, and that may have been an orgasm long overdue he thinks as he hears Danny gasp a little and Steve falls next to him.

“That was,” Danny starts, but his eyes are drooping.

“That was?” Steve asks quietly

But he doesn’t get a reply.

When he feels like he can move again, he tries to get up, feeling the come on himself drying uncomfortably, he tries to move Danny, putting a hand to his face to try to steal another kiss when he hears Danny’s even breathing ,eyes closed and body slack.

Steve’s first reaction is disappointment, then anger then sadness and then finally acceptance, because he isn’t supposed to expect anything from this. He tries to move away as quietly as possible, then lifts Danny into his hands and moves him to his bedroom where he deposits a sleeping Danny.

This was the most imperfect sex he wanted to have with Danny, it wasn’t what he wanted as _their_ first, Steve thinks as he takes Danny’s pants off, cleans off the cum on his body and gives him a fresh pair of Boxers. My baby, Steve continues to think as he covers Danny with a bed sheet.

He sits on the edge of the bed just like that for what seems like hours, staring at Danny, his beauty, his amazingness, Steve’s everything.

Steve slumps to the floor, closest to where Danny’s face is and looks into his eyes. Raising his hands to put a loose strand away from Danny’s face, Steve puts his face into Danny’s shoulder, light enough for Danny to not stir; he places a kiss on his shoulder, his jaw, his forehead and finally Danny’s lips.

“Hey, detective Williams,” Steve whispers with heavy emotion, “You forgot to open your Christmas present,” he stops to press another kiss to Danny’s cheek, “ Do you wanna know what it is? Your present?”

He closes his eye and puts his face into Danny’s shoulder again, “I got you a box of love, a box of my love, and it’s for you,” he smiles painfully and pulls away, “I love you and I’m sorry that we did this when you were drunk. I shouldn’t have taken-”

Before he finishes his sentence, he gets up to go, because Danny doesn’t deserve what Steve did to him and worse, Steve doesn’t deserve anything from Danny anymore, but when he reaches the bedroom door, he goes across the room to Danny’s bed-bending to look at Danny’s face, remembering this Christmas, this night and Danny.  He presses his lips against him for a good ten seconds and leaves before the tears overtake him.

::.

When he arrives at work that morning, it’s Kono he sees first; her smile is bright and unwavering until she looks at him. Kono sympathizes with him most of the time, he catches her time and time again with sad eyes staring when Danny’s just stormed off after Steve (delightfully) pissed him off (again) and then Steve’s smile falters just that bit. It’s not so much because she knows, but because she knows and Danny doesn’t know, and after last night Steve doesn’t really know what he should be expecting from Danny.

He feels like a rapist, but the worst thing would be for Danny to think that too.

::.

It’s almost as if Danny doesn’t remember or he doesn’t want to acknowledge that it happened, Danny comes into 5-0 , ten minutes later, with a blazing hangover-he says – and asks what happened last night and who cleaned up his apartment, thanking them for their kindness, though they should probably have bought him dinner first.

At first Steve doesn’t get it, but throughout the day when he’s certain that Danny is avoiding him, Steve feels like shit, heck he feels like quitting the job right now, because he took advantage of- _raped_ his co-worker last night and Danny is actually walking funny. Funny enough for Chin to notice and funny enough for Steve to know that he just ruined what could have been his happiness. It hurts and it hurts _bad_ , but throughout the day Steve plants an artificial smile and probably looks as right as rain to everyone except Kono (and Danny, if he would look at Steve).

At one point Steve has to find a distraction and counts to ten under his breath whilst Kono who’s next to him squeezes his hand and offers a tight smile. Steve tries not to remember his Christmas present to Danny.

::.

 The days go by fast enough as they have case after case after case. Danny’s still not talking to him, but Steve doesn’t blame him. He wouldn’t talk to himself either if he was Danny. On the ninth day of the _Night After Christmas_ , their case involves a car chase. And if Steve isn’t so careful this time, narrowly missing a bullet to his head and not dying, then he doesn’t say anything about it- still waiting for Danny’s reprimands and annoyance veiled with concern. It doesn’t come and that makes Steve even sadder- but he knows he deserves it, and he deserves _worse_.

When they get back to headquarters that day and Steve’s in his office after Kono fussed over him, Steve hears the door open and finds Danny standing with his arms crossed against the wall. They haven’t been in any place alone for a while, so Steve gets scared and uncomfortable and tries to only spare him a glance.

“What’s wrong with you?” Danny asks, curtly. The tone of his voice makes Steve wince, but luckily it’s his back facing Danny.

_Does he want me to apologize for being a rapist? Taking advantage of him?_

Steve swallows, but the words don’t come.

 “Look at me,” Danny warns and Steve just has to look at him to wonder why Danny’s like this- after all, he must hate Steve right now, why is he alone with him? Isn’t he afraid he’ll rape him again? He looks at everything that isn’t Danny, but he sees Danny’s hard face softens into something that he might have seen the night before. He pushes that away and tries to move past Danny to go out and he does, only brushing shoulders with him – but it has Steve wanting to tear at his own skin, he closes his eyes and tries to will the feelings to go away.

The only thing he gets to say is, “I’m sorry, I never should have-”

“Wait,” Danny calls after him in a strange voice, “Did it really not mean anything to you?” And at this Steve just has to turn around- he sees Danny angry, almost vulnerable, tearing up and other things that Steve rarely gets to see in him, “So you didn’t mean it when you said you loved me.”

“You remember?” Steve asks shocked.

“Of course I remember, I remember everything, even when you put me to bed and came back and-kissed me,” and at Steve’s incredulous look Danny continues saying, “I want to hurt you so bad right now, because you didn’t take advantage me and I think I’m fucking too old to be a fuck that happens when people are way too drunk. Listen, you weren’t that drunk, I wasn’t _that_ drunk and I consciously made the decision to give you a piece of myself that I haven’t given anyone in a long time- I didn’t know you’d left, I kept reaching out to try to find you, call you to me and I kept asking you to _stay, stay, stay_ , because I thought you were fucking there!”

Steve just gapes and Danny lunges and punches him square in the jaw- he doesn’t even move away or try to block it.

“Tell me you fucking meant it right now, and I want you to the truth, I don’t-“

“Of course I meant it, Danny,” and Steve decides that even though Danny is really angry, he pulls Danny into him with surprisingly little resistance, he’s never going to have to remember or be reminded to not look too long, stare too fondly, or let his arm linger for too long,  “I meant everything I said.”

And that’s all he gets out before Danny gives him a bone shattering kiss that leaves Steve breathless and so happy.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know, you’ve told me,” Steve says dazed.

“I hate you so much.”

“I love you more.”

“I’m going to punch you again.”

“Please go ahead.”

“Maybe later,” Danny scowls slightly-anger slowly disappearing and he interlaces his hands with Steve’s more before another long kiss and says, “I hate loving idiots like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was for you , Lloyd
> 
> MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT.  
> IM SORRY


End file.
